Twitter!
Posted by Pork Flu Ribs on July 7th, 2009
Does there exist elsewhere such an inappropriately sparse medium for a writer as overstuffed as Pete? Yes, Abraham has a twitter, and though its only real purpose is to link to blog updates, he sometimes uses it to gripe. Like this:
Hey, some Letterman monologue writer stole my Twitter comment on the hot-dog eating contest. Send me royalties.
Pete Abraham made a hot dog eating contest joke? Irony sirens are blaring in my ears as I write. What comment of his was “stolen” though?
The hot-dog eating contest is why other countries hate America. We’re a nation that finds gluttony entertaining.
Oh. It was just some boilerplate joke about the Nathan’s hot dog eating contest — the equivalent of bitching about airline peanuts. Were Letterman writers really scraping the bottom of the barrel?
Never mind that the guy who dominated the contest for several years is Japanese.
And more to the point, it’s just the latest in Pete’s long running war against anything fun or interesting. He takes exception to just about every ballpark tradition, from throwing the ball back when an opponent hits a homerun to the groundscrew doing YMCA.
…
Okay, so maybe he has a point about that last one. But still, he’s only in his 30s and he already has the “curmudgeonly journalist asshole” personality down pat. And it’s not like he covers politics and so has been rendered cynical by Washington horse trading — he covers a god damn sports team. Lighten up a bit, Pete.
We Return!
Posted by Pork Flu Ribs on July 6th, 2009
First off, we apologize for our extended absence. We found a treasure map to Al Capone’s gold and decided spending weeks digging aimlessly in Illinois for hidden treasure would be more profitable than blogging. Although we found nothing, we were correct — futile searches for non-existant gold ARE still more profitable than blogging. However, it would be a shame to let this BR sponsorship go to waste just as The Hope is heating up. Thus, we return!
Abraham’s poor mastery of his profession beckons us always, however, particularly today in response to the umpires’ jobbing of the Yankees not once, not twice, but thrice!
It’s not going to do the Yankees any good, but it would seem that Foster and Bell will have to answer for their mistakes. No, they’re not going to be suspended or fined. But MLB does hold umpires far more accountable than in previous years.
It is characteristic of Pete’s hackery that he says something that at first glance sounds profound, even ominous, but which on a second reading is objectively absurd. Read the block quoted sentences again: The umpires screwed up. There will be no punishments meted out to them — no suspensions, no fines. However, despite the lack of consequences for their poor job performances, MLB “holds umpires more accountable than in previous years.” It sounds to me like they do nothing of the sort.
Expecting Pete to engage with the material beyond a superficial nostrum, however, is expecting too much of his milquetoast brand of non-challenging journalism.
How to Lose a Gut in 10 Days
Posted by Potato Chowder on June 28th, 2009
From June 26:
Kate Hudson: All over SNY, I was told. Come write a guest post, Kate.
An artist's rendering
Nah … Too Easy
Posted by Pork Flu Ribs on June 4th, 2009
For some reason, this sign is currently hanging above the entrance of the Yankee Stadium Metro-North station:
Caption contest in the comments.
Projecting Much?
Posted by Pork Flu Ribs on June 4th, 2009
One of Pete’s charms is that, although he constantly claims to be busy with ‘newspaper work’ during games, he has no end of time to delete critical comments and to engage in spats with his commenters.
During today’s game against Texas, fans were making critical comments about Wang’s sub-par return to the starting rotation. And thus Pete vomited up this juicy morsel:
Peter Abraham's Self-Awareness: 0
Peter Abraham has spent almost the entirety of his three-year tenure as Yankees beat writer for the Journal-News mocking, badmouthing, and advocating the trade of Alex Rodriguez. No one with a voice as influential as Pete’s (except for that tool at WasWatching, if you want to call him ‘influential’) has spit so much vitriol at the Yankees’ third baseman.
He delights in A-Rod slander. He ruts in it. He rolls in it and covers himself in it like a protective coating from the sun. For reasons I’m sure Freud would be overjoyed to analyze, Peter Abraham has centered his career around shrinking A-Rod. As Potato Chowder pointed out in the post below, he is still trying to make the discredited claims of Selena Roberts stick. This man is allegedly a professional, yet he continues to treat his blog as a venue for his personal vendettas.
“You must have a sad life when you take pleasure in the problems of other people.” So, true, Pete. So true.
Math vs. A-Rod
Posted by Potato Chowder on June 4th, 2009
Honestly, I don’t know where to start on this. After Selena Roberts’s claims that A-Rod was tipping pitches were discredited by every single reputable source, Abraham still carries it like an idiot torch.
Here he cites a former beat writer:
Miguel Tejada, then with Oakland, hit .350 overall against the Rangers, but jumped to .472 when the margin was at least five runs either way. He had nine homers in 36 at-bats when the margin was at least five. Rodriguez, who hit .284 against Oakland overall, hit .333 when the score was five or greater.
Seattle’s Carlos Guillen, a teammate of Rodriguez’s for three seasons with the Mariners, went from .307 to .318. in “out of hand” situations. Rodriguez, however, jumped from .264 to .391 against the Mariners in those situations.
First of all, 36 at-bats? Second, of course your average is going to go up in blowouts. That’s when scrub pitchers are in and hitters are teeing off. But most interestingly, you’re telling me that you can tell Carlos Guillen exactly what pitch is coming and his average only goes up 11 points?
I should also point out that, by this criteria, a serious investigation should be organized to find out if Josh Beckett is tipping his pitches to Derek Jeter (.341 vs carreer .316) and if domed stadiums are tipping pitches to Sal Fasano (.240 vs career .221).
It should be noted that Peter Abraham has an honorary degree in Predictive Analytics from the University of Phoenix.
Peter Abraham’s Only Valuable Skill
Posted by Pork Flu Ribs on May 29th, 2009
Providing start times during rain delays.
UPDATE, 8:07 p.m.: The game is set for an 8:30 p.m start.
Thanks Pete! I really did not want to keep watching that Yankeeography.
Angel Berroa … Again
Posted by Pork Flu Ribs on May 28th, 2009
UPDATE, 11:15 p.m.: In what should be his final appearance as a Yankee, Angel Berroa is pinch running for Matsui.
I heard he’s on the juice anyway. Prune juice.
(I didn’t come up with that, somebody else in the press box did. But I will not divulge who.)
No. No one else in the press box came up with that. You are the only one propagating this stupid joke. It has never been funny, and it’s never made any sense. Angel Berroa looks exactly 31 years old.
You may think he looks like Uncle Remus from Disney’s foray into minstrelsy, Songs of the South, but we’ll say this again: growing up in Boston should not be an excuse for racism anymore.
Maybe Gannet Media should furlough you again, this time for sensitivity training. Or just to stop you from making dumb jokes.
Not Angel Berroa, Pete
Someone Selectively Misremembered Something
Posted by Pork Flu Ribs on May 27th, 2009
UPDATE, 10:54 p.m.: David Robertson throws strikes with the lead. What a concept. Joe Torre may have wore relievers out. But at least he wore out the good ones and got everything out of them. Girardi wears out the bad ones.
There is no universe in which Tanyon Sturtze was a good reliever.
The Plot, Like Abe, Thickens
Posted by Pork Flu Ribs on May 26th, 2009
From The New York Post:
Talk about your sore losers!
Boston Red Sox closer Jonathan Papelbon took out his frustrations on Post photographer Anthony Causi Saturday night, hurling a towel at the lensman after blowing a save opportunity against the Mets.
Papelbon had just surrendered a two-run homer to backup catcher Omir Santos — leading to a 3-2 Amazin’ victory — when Causi had the audacity to do his job and photograph the closer as he sulked in the Sox dugout in the bottom of the ninth.
Papelbon screamed, “Don’t take my f- – -ing picture,” according to Causi, before throwing his towel at him
It should be noted: Papelbon missed Causi.
“I guess he missed with two pitches that night,” Causi cracked.
http://www.nypost.com/seven/05252009/news/regionalnews/red_rage__170861.htm
Rushing out of the dugout to show up the umpires is typically the grounds for, at the very least, a fine. Throwing a towel at a photographer doing his job is, arguably, worse. Yet somehow Jonathan Papelbon, Major League Baseball’s least likable human being, is escaping these incidents unscathed.
It’s a sweet life being on the teflon Red Sox.